I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
