I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize