Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
