he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
