My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
