My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
