weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
