Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Come see our sink grown plant.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think we might need a safe word for this...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
