Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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