We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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