her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize