how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
