He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
worst night to have a conscience
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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