My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You took a bar mat shot.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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