If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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