You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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