im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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