She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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