I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
