I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
