he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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