I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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