I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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