Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
