she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
