Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize