ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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