By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
