they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
