I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize