I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
