I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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