I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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