The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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