Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
