then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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