Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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