the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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