i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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