need another drink. this is the easiest way
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
