At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
