I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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