turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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