I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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