remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
