worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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