Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize