I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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