mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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