Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
