Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
