Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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