Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
