I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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