Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
