i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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