just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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