Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
