happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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