Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
