I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
