On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
