I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize