Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
