I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
