first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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