that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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