Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
