I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize