I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I didn't shave. On purpose
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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